THE MAX MOD
THE COLD ONE PROTOCOL
Using proprietary Maxwell Thermodynamic Dispensation Technologyβ’, the Max Mod delivers a perfectly chilled beverage directly from the chest cavity port at the press of a button. A glowing circular aperture in the center of your chest. It opens. A cold one emerges. Science.
FEATURES THAT DEFY LOGIC
BLUETOOTH 47.3
Not Bluetooth 5.0. Not 5.1. We skipped ahead. Way ahead. Connect to devices that don't exist yet. Your neighbor's smart fridge? Connected. The ISS? Pairing.
USB-C (Γ4)
Four USB-C ports. One on each knuckle. Why? Because we could. Charge your friends. Literally. Power delivery up to 240W per knuckle.
LCD DISPLAY
A 2.4-inch retina-grade LCD embedded in your palm. Check notifications without pulling out your phone. The future is in your hands. Literally. Comes with Snake pre-installed.
PROPULSION MODULE
We heard you wanted propellers. We don't know where they'd go. We don't know how they'd work. But they're IMPORTANT and we're WORKING ON IT. Current prototypes have achieved 0.3 seconds of hover time.
NEURAL BEVERAGE DETECTION
The Max Mod knows when you're thirsty. Before you do. Maxwell's equations predicted this. Our scientists confirmed it. Then they quit. But the data stands.
WIRELESS CHARGING
You are the charger now. Place your phone on your chest port. That's it. You're a Qi pad. Embrace it. The chest glow doubles as a phone charging indicator. Also works with AirPods, smartwatches, and theoretically electric vehicles.
POWERED BY MAXWELL
Actual Maxwell's equations. Annotated by our marketing team.
THEY TRIED IT
"I haven't felt the need to open a fridge in months. My chest IS the fridge. People stare at the glowing circle. I tell them it's the future."
"The propellers don't work yet but the LCD screen is incredible. I play Snake on my palm during meetings."
"My body rejected the Bluetooth module and now I can hear radio stations. I consider this a feature."
"I showed the USB-C ports to my IT department and they tried to plug a keyboard into me. It worked."